"at least we're getting our asses handed to us early in the night..."

"Lick my tattoo off my arm. Come on, lick it. I can't lick my own elbow. Come on..Do it..lick my arm..."

Man to other man in Fenian's on Friday: Hey, I stole it fair-and-square.

"so did your dad get wasted last night?"

" Hey man what's up?"
" Oh, nothing. Just playing with my wife."

Boy Child: You know what I want for Christmas?

Girl Child: A new house!

Boy Child: No. I want something bigger than a new house. I want a fire-proof suit, just like the one that Santa Claus has!

Man: I feel it more in my shoulders than in my colon.
Woman: I don't feel it in my colon either!